The Iron Gate

Paelus says:

This essay, although I do not necessarily agree with it, did however provoke thoughts about My own opinion on the subject. It inspired Me to write the following for My blog, which I made sure to add a link back to your website.

I very seldom take exception to the essays here, as I find them a very valuable source of information and insight.

This one, however, stirred Me to write the following:

REVISITING THE "FIVE PHASES OF PUNISHMENT"
OR, "WHEN GOOD SUBS DO BAD THINGS"
By PAELUS

(For 'squeeble', I offer this as an alternative perspective. Good luck in your search.)

    Recently, I read an essay written by the Amsterdam News Desk entitled Five Phases of Punishment, and posted at www.the-iron-gate.com which I found both enlightening and distrubing.
  

 It begins: "Punishing is serious business. And good and effectful domestic punishment should be executed with care, a sharp for ritual and most of all, carefully planned and timed to create optimal effect. Classic domestic discipline can be dedived in five - equally important - phases that all contribute to the total punishment in their own way."
   

 The article goes on to list the phases, in order:

1. Confession and Judgement.
2. Awaiting Punishment.
3. Presentation for Punishment.
4. The Punishment, Itself.
5. Finalizing.

    "In is important that you both explore and exploit each phase to the max - make sure attention is given to every detail and also make sure that every phase is exetuted to its full capacity. Not only will this make the punishment session a very long and intens one - it will also make sure it is a punishment she is not likely to forget quickly. A sharp eye for detail as well as ritual is what has an impact and leaves a deeper impression than the actual punishment itself. Confession and judgement Shame, embarrassement, humilation, discomfort and fear are all factors that are just as important as the actual pain itself. In fact they will have a mental influence on the pain-perception (i.e. make it more intens) and largely contribute to the effect of the punishment as a whole. An experienced disciplinarian will enjoy every phase of the disciplining process, but will probably find most of his joy in the initial, first phase - in the tears, the fears, the blushing and the nervousness."

    Ok... please pardon My interuption, as I am still a fledgling Dominant of a mere five years experience. I realize I have much growing to do Myself. However, this paragraph tends to disturb and confuse Me a bit.
    First of all, I have always felt that, upon occassion, good submissives do bad things that warrant punishment. However, I have never taken any joy in administering any form of punishment, finding it a necessary evil rather than a ritual to be "explored and exploited to the max."
    To Me, I find it less constructive to "punish" in such a ritualized fashion, and more along the lines of roleplay. If this was the author(s)' intent, I would have hoped that he/she/they would have clarified that this was "roleplay" punishment only and not intended for use in a 24/7, D/s relationship.
    Nor do I find that punishment need always include pain.
    I will agree to the point that, in order for a punishment to be effective, it should make a lasting impression upon the mind of the wayward submissive. In My ever-so-humble opinion, the point of punishment, whether addressing a solitary issue, an infraction of rules, or the breaking of a bad habit, is correction and, ultimately, forgiveness.
    An experienced disciplinarian finding delight in the punishment process (especially the initial phases, i.e. the tears, the fears, the blushing and the nervousness), I imagine, would find himself rather bored with a well-trained and well-behaved submissive. Which, also just My opinion, would lead to punishment for punishment's sake.
    Punishment for punishment's sake, it would seem, would lead submissives, new and experienced alike, to confusion due to the lack of consistency. As I am not all that knowledgable of the "Discipline" aspect of the "Bondage and Discipline"  associated within the BDSM Lifestyle and since I tend to focus more on the relationship aspect, I do not wish to venture into that realm too deeply. However, from a D/s standpoint, to purposely lead One's submissive to confusion for the simple pleasure of administering punishment is very close to crossing the already slightly blurred line of abuse. (I am not speaking about "pain" or "no pain" here... I am speaking about the mental aspect).
    If a dominant seeks a bratty submissive so that he can frequently punish her, I feel he deserves what he gets.

1. CONFESSION AND JUDGEMENT.
    "In this first phase she must stand - or kneel - before her dominant and confess her sins, whichever they will be. Most experienced dominants will prefer the sub standing, since this is a more uncertain position and does not allow her to "crawl into her submmission" as she is likely to do when being allowed to kneel down. "
  

     I can understand this statement. I, too, prefer a standing confession. Look Me in the eyes, head and body straight, no slouching. A "Stand and Deliver" confession, I call it. This is what i have done, and i am prepared to accept the consequences for my actions.

    "Don't accept whispering or stammering. She must confess her sins out load - verbalize them clearly and she must feel the full embarrassement and the same."

    I can agree with the first part of this statement. I want to hear a clear and concise verbal confession. As far as feeling the full embarrassment and the (shame?), I think that would be ultimately determined by the submissive herself. She may feel justified in having done the wrong thing for the right reason, or feel that the consequences would be worth the actions.
    I do not want a doormat. If either of those situations be the case, I would expect her to say so as part of the explanation portion of her confession, as in "extinuating or mitigating circumstances." And I would decide the merit of her explanation on a case-by-case basis.

    "Tell her how disappointed you are, how she has let you down (in fact betrayed you) and do tell her just how disappointed you are having to punish her (again). "

    Seriously? A cookie-cutter approach? Come on. Sure, the fact is that I would be disappointed in having to administer punishment. Again, even. And I am sure I would even bring it up. But, to do it in this fashion would soon sound repetitious and trite, ad nauseum.
    With the proper guidance and love and gentle touch (as a new submissive so aptly put it to Me recently "an iron hand inside a velvet glove" approach), One would not need to explain his disappointment for a submissive to understand that it is there. Although, a reminder from time to time, might be necessary, You would not want your submissive to become numb to your "disappointment" to the point of stifling a yawn during Your opus.

    (SIDENOTE: Wasn't it also previously mentioned that a well-trained disciplinarian would be near giddy at the prospect of punishing the submissive? Just saying.)

    "Lecturing is a very good idea now. Make her stand, feel uneasy, ashamed, humiliated. She is likely to blush and cry. Let the tears flow - she is supposed to feel ashamed, small, worthless and agonized. She must know she can only regain a certain dignity though punishment, pain and suffering."

    Ok. I agree with the lecture aspect of this statement. I do feel it is appropriate that a punishment should always begin with a lecture which includes the following: The nature of the incident in question. Why it was wrong. The consequences that arose (or could possibly have arisen) from the action (other than the punishment about to be determined). How the incident could have been avoided. Possible alternatives that would have been acceptable. How the action reflected upon her and Yourself. Etc.
    I find My best approach is to begin with a Question and Answer session, in which I allow the submissive to discover these things within herself. This tends to have a far more lasting impression, being interactive by nature, than having Me recite My points and her hearing Me as one of the grown-ups from the Peanuts cartoons. (Wa waa wa wa waaah wah wahh).
    Let the tears flow- I can only agree to this part of the sentence. While it seems harsh, this is a confession after all. True tears are a part of the cleansing process, and allowing her to release this emotion will only serve to help her cleanse her mind and her soul. On the other hand, crocodile tears are meant to distract You from the task at hand and a plea for forgiveness that has not been earned. You must allow the crying process take it's course if You expect to remain firm and consistent about the rules You set forth and the epectations You place upon Your submissive. To do less will not only be Your peril, but that of her as well.    
    As far as making her feel uneasy, it happens. The rest-- ashamed, humiliated, small, worthless and agonized -- I feel this is counter-productive to My duties to her as her chosen Dominant. By accepting her submission, I take on the job of building (or perhaps, re-building) her self-esteem and recognizing her self-worth. I take special pride in knowing she is proud to be My submissive. I want her to respect Me. I feel the best way to earn and hold that respect is by her knowing that I accepted her because she was worth something to Me. That I would not have accepted her submission to Me if I felt she was worthless.

2. AWAITING PUNISHMENT.
    "Opinions vary on the question if a sentence should be brought forward now. Some masters prefer to fell a judgment now, others prefer to keep her unaware of her fait for a while longer. All of that is simply a matter of personal preference. However, in the event you are planning to me mercyful this time and let her off with a mild punishment, better don't tell her. She may find false hope and false self-assurance in the fact that she's going to get away with a mild punishment this time. Wether she should be dressed or undressed in this phase is also up for debate. But since the idea is to create maximum unease at this point, you want to take that into account when deciding about which you prefer."

    I am sure the author(s) is/are correct, opinions do vary. I find that, while emotions are genuinely at a high at this point, it is always best to postpone a judgment and sentencing for awhile. You will want to think it through and not act rash. Mull it over. I usually try and wait until the next day before deciding.
    This will allow You time to come to a fair and appropriate response. I find that punishment should, if possible, fit the crime. And allowing Yourself a cooling-off period, You can be assured of giving Yourself time to maintain Self-Control and proper perspective. Decide upon each case what is to be Your ultimate goal in delivering the punishment. Use each disciplinary action as a learning tool as well as punishment and making a lasting impression.
    In this manner, You will be amazed at the number of alternatives You have in Your arsenal.
    This, in turn, also has the effect of building her anxiety and awareness.

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[Unfortunately, this is where the author(s) left off. I will try to fill in the rest with My own ideas and opinions on the remaining points.]

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3. PRESENTATION FOR PUNISHMENT.
    After having made the decision regarding her punishment, I have always felt it appropriate that the submissive approach the Dominant in the same manner in which she made her confession.
    That is, head and chin up, eyes on the Dominant's, shoulders squared, proud to accept the just punishment that has been chosen for her.
    It is at this point that I feel the Dominant should have the submissive explain, in her own words, the reason she is being punished. What she did, why it was wrong, how she could have avoided it, and what steps she will take to ensure that she doesn't repeat the action in the future.
    The Dominant should then explain the punishment and why He feels that His decision is fair, just and appropriate for the offense.
    I would also point out that, should the punishment be harsh,  before its administration, You should give the submission the opportunity to either accept the punishment You have deemed necessary, or be dismissed from Your service. After all, her submission is still of her free will.

4. The Punishment, Itself.
    This is the tricky part and entirely dependent upon what the Dominant has chosen for punishment. As I have shared My views regarding punishment, I will only repeat here that it should appropriately fit the infraction.
    If it is decided that pain be involved, make it swift and decisive. Do not leave the submissive in prolonged agony.
    As I have stated previously, punishment need not involve physical pain. It need only have a lasting impact. Many choose to assign unpleasant tasks (again, fitting to the crime) or lengthy essays. If this is the case, You need to set a fair time limit in which You expect the assignment to be carried out. Failure to complete the assignment within the deadline should also carry a penalty. This penalty can include, but of course not limited to, dissolution of her service, in the case You honestly believe she no longer has a desire or willingness to put forth an effort to seek redemption.
    The punishment needs to be stiff enough, depending upon the circumstance, that will allow the Dominant to know the earnesty of her repentence.

5. Finalizing.
    Of the five phases set forth by the author(s), I find this one the most crucial.
    Having been shown the errors of her ways and acceptance of the consequences, having put forth the effort in seeking redemption and completing her trial and punishment, it is now up to You, her Dominant, to forgive her.
    It is simply not enough to tell her she is forgiven. You must truly forgive her. That means the matter is closed. Do not wait a week, a month, a year, or a decade and pull the matter out in the course of a disagreement.
    The only time I find that it may be appropriate to revisit the matter is in the case of repeated offenses of the same nature. This is where it is up to the Dominant to recognize the difference between several related but isolated incidents and a continuing habit.
    In the case of a habit, the punishment should become progressively more severe with each incident... until the issue is resolved.
    But the end result, and the ultimate goal, is to forgive the submissive. This is why she has accepted the punishment You have dealt upon her. Make sure she understands that, through her willingness to undergo the steps You required of her to reach this phase, she has earned the right to Your forgiveness. And that You give it with a glad heart.
    If You find Yourself unable, or unwilling, to forgive an event, You should not start the Punishment process at all, but simply part company.
    To reach this final phase of punishment and be unwilling, as a Dominant, to carry through with YOUR portion, is dishonorable.
    
    In addition to these steps above, I think it is important for Dominants to keep in mind the following:

WHY GOOD SUBS DO BAD THINGS:

1. As a Dominant, I have not been exactly clear on My expectations or instructions and allowed My submissive to become confused through My actions, or inactions.
2. As a Dominant, I have not inspired My submissive to the point that she obeys Me or trusts that My decisions are the correct decisions.
3. As a Dominant, I have led My submissive to feel that her actions have no true consequence.
4. As a Dominant, I have not been respectful or attentive to My submissive and she acts out as a way of seeking attention.
5. As a Dominant, I have failed to provide My submissive with the proper education or training necessary to carry out her duties as I expect.
6. As a Dominant, I have acted in a way that has left My submissive feel ill-treated and/or unwanted.
7. As a Dominant, I have not continued to do the things I should do, every day, to earn the trust and respect of My submissive.

And, the list could probably continue forever, but I think You get the point.